What is This I Don't Even
by FallenLegend
Summary: Due to the boredom of a certain brigade leader, our favourite moeblobs have to bear with the results of an overactive imagination. K-ON/Lucky Star/Haruhi crack fic with other crossovers.
1. Chapter 1

**What Is This I Don't Even**

I've finally uploaded! I know I didn't write that much, but I'm trying to regulate the random. If you've read my other story, thanks! If you haven't, it doesn't really matter anyways. Onto the story!

* * *

**Pre-Chapter – Revelations**

"…So wait. You're saying that somehow Haruhi now exists in my world...?" Konata asked slowly.

"Affirmative. Haruhi's powers activated as she wished for a more interesting summer, and so she has been unconsciously rearranging the various threads of different worlds. The IDSE has given an approximation that your world is the 259th reality to be joined with our Home reality. However, it seems that only your group is aware of the loop."

"…So when do I get to meet Haruhi?"

"Uncertain."

"But I get to meet her right?"

"Uncertain."

"Can you stop saying the same thing?"

"Bitch."

"…"

"I'ma go play some Mabinogi now."

"…right."

* * *

**Color Coded for Convenience**

Konata had gathered all of her friends and acquaintances into Miyuki's home, to discuss the turn of events. As most were not familiar with the Haruhi Suzumiya series, the discussion wasn't going too well.

Ignorant as always, Misao jumped up and yelled "I really don't care why summer break will repeat! It's just more break time for us right? Now, onto a better topic…"

"Let me guess…" Mio and Kagami began in unison.

"FOOD!" Misao and half the room cheered.

The other half facepalmed in annoyance.

"I know we've done sushi personality quizzes before, but today I found something really interesting," Konata said, "I found this Western chocolate called Smarties, and they're basically milk chocolate pieces covered in different-coloured candy coatings. And look at us: we're basically a pack of Smarties the way our hair colors are going."

"Ooh, I've heard of those! There are about 8 colors right?" Misao said enthusiastically. Konata nodded her head in approval.

"What about us?" Ritsu asked.

"You guys look normal, you don't count."

"Aww…"

"Anyways, of course I'm a blue Smartie. Fang over there is brown-"

"Hey! Don't call me Fang, Midget."

"Miyuki is pink, Kagamin and Tsukasa are purple and such, Yu-chan and Minami are the Christmas couple…" Konata continued, ignoring Misao.

Minami and Yutaka blushed and looked in opposite directions.

"Kuroi-sensei is yellow, and Minegishi is orange!"

"What about me? My hair is black!" Hiyori cried.

"There aren't any black Smarties Hiyorin."

"That's racist!" An aghast Hiyori yelled.

"Hey guys!" Misao interrupted, "I just thought of something really important!"

Everyone shut up and looked over. It wasn't often that Misao had something intelligent to say.

"I heard that they stopped making blue Smarties for a while," she continued, "So they only recently started making them again."

"And?" Kagami asked, already going into snarky mode.

"Well, that means there aren't very many blue Smarties right?"

"I guess so.." Ayano said thoughtfully.

"If we go by that, then that means Konata's…"

Misao pulled a pair of sunglasses out of nowhere and put them on.

"…in _short _supply."

YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHH

…played from of the TV, which nobody had noticed was on until now. Now the TV was all they heard. Everyone was dead quiet, staring at Misao, their faces showing extreme disapproval.

"…what?"

* * *

**A/N:** And that's chapter one! Not too much, but I'm hoping I can get an idea that lasts for more that a thousand words. I'm willing to take in ideas as well. Yuki is in abridged mode, just so everyone knows, and I'm not thrashing on Misao cause I hate her. She's actually one of my favorites. Anyways, thanks for reading, and review please!

**Bye-Ni!**


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing much to say. Enjoy!

**I don't own K-ON, Lucky Star, the Haruhi Suzumiya series, or any other properties referenced in this fiction. All properties go to their respective owners.**

* * *

**Internal Monologue is Creepy**

A deeply troubled Kyon was walking down a street, thinking to himself.

_T__hese days everyone's been saying I'm too paranoid. I mean, it isn't paranoia if I thought I was going to have my hand stapled to the Student Council President's desk. I swear that's what it looked like when Kimidori was using it. She's trying to kill me, just like every other Interface. Except Yuki. She's pretty cool when she _isn't _using her shotgun._

_Man... Haruhi's right. I should really stop with the internal monologue._

Kyon sighed and continued walking. The relatives he was visiting were pretty boring, and he usually ended up having to babysit the children.

_Maybe some good ol' __greasy goodness will cheer me up._

He walked into a fast food place called Max Burger, complete with a yellow arch "M".

_Well, if that isn't a blatant brand rip-off…_

He walked in and went to place his order. It was a young blonde girl at the counter.

"I'd like a double cheese burger and a larg- OH GOD PLEASE DON'T STAB ME ASAKURA!"

"Huh?" The clerk asked. "Is there something on my face?"

"N-n-nothing. A large coke please."

_Those have got to be the second-largest pair of eyebrows I have ever seen.__ I swear it was Asakura standing there. So what if the hair color was off? It was an honest mistake. And there I go with the internal monologue again._

The clerk's eyes began glittering, and she asked "Would you like fries with that?"

_Ryoko or not, this gir__l is freaking me the hell out. Remember, don't make eye contact._

"No thanks." He hurriedly took his food and left. After he ate, he stopped by an arcade. Looking around, he noticed that all of the people in the arcade seemed to be girls in their mid teens.

_Jeez… Is _everyone _in this town a goddamn loli?_

"Ah, Kyon! I see you've found my headquarters." A jovial voice called out.

"What the- Koizumi, you mean that your organization is run by a bunch of lolis?

"What? No, no, this is the headquarters of my Loli Scouts. We save the world through the power of fanservice."

"And what kind of fanservice do _you_ supply?"

"My bishie sparkles."

Koizumi then began to sing and dance to Sailor Pothead, with copious amounts of glitter.

Kyon thought what everybody else must have been thinking by now.

_What. The. Fuck._

He didn't even bother reminding Koizumi that sparkling was only fanservice for Twihards.

* * *

**Nyoro~n Konata-san**

_We join Konata-san on her mystical quest to find her favourite food, Choco-Coronets!_

_Here we go!_

"Hey, Kagamin Kagamin!" Konata said excitedly

"Hmm?" Kagami turned her head.

"Do you have any choco-coronets?"

"You ate them all"

"_Nyoro~n…"_

"Yuki-chan Yuki-chan! Do you know how to make choco-coronets?" Konata sidled up to her knowledgeable friend.

"Google it" Miyuki deadpanned.

"_Nyoro~n…"_

"Yo, Ricchan Ricchan!" Pointing to some words that were suddenly floating there, she continued. "Houkago Coronet Time!"

"No way." Her friend deadpanned in the same manner as Miyuki.

"_Nyoro~n…"_

-One Delimiter Later-

"We're going to watch the Disappearance movie. Konata, get us tickets." Ritsu ordered.

"Roger!"

As Konata rushed off to the box office, Mio leaned over to Ritsu.

"We're from opposing fanbases, you know."

"Ok, then lets go do something else."

The girls walked off to eat some cake. Meanwhile, in a movie theatre across town, Konata was sitting alone in a row, with a large bucket of popcorn.

"_Nyoro~n…"_

* * *

**A/N:** About the first story, I think I went completely off track, and the second is a blatant rip-off. And yes, K-ON and Haruhi have (mostly) opposing fanbases. Anyways, Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!

And I really dislike Twihards.

**Bye-Ni!**


	3. Chapter 3

A very short one today. I, for some reason, enjoy writing/updating late at night.

**I don't own K-ON, Lucky Star, the Haruhi Suzumiya series, or any other properties referenced in this fiction. All properties go to their respective owners.**

* * *

**Soundtrack Dissonance**

It was the day of their final performance. Their instruments were tuned and set in place, their amps were turned to just the right volume, and Mio decided to wear shorts instead of striped panties. They were wearing the same costumes again, after all.

Oh, and Yui had gone through another "training" session with Sawako.

As they filed onto the stage, the audience cheered madly. A nod and a count-in from Ritsu, and they began.

They opened with a heavy guitar riff, accompanied by heavy bass drum and cymbals.

Then, in a voice never thought possible for a 17 year old girl, Yui growled:

"_I! Don't need your forgiveness. I! Don't need your hate."_

The audience fell silent and watched in shock.

"_I don't do what I've been told. You're so lame why don't you just go __  
DIE MOTHERF**KER DIE MOTHERF**KER DIE!"_

For the rest of the concert, the audience could only listen with a mixture of horror and awe. An all-girl light music club had just topped the Mohs scale of rock hardness.

* * *

**A/N:** For reference, the scale goes up to 10, which is the heaviest of death metal. Anything beyond that and you'd get bands who's songs are named "Mr. Game and Watch is a Mass Murderer" Which is a real song, by the way, although I don't want to even know what it sounds like (It's also one of the more... pleasant song titles on the list. Check TVTropes for more.) Oh, and the song that Yui sings is also a real song, by Dope.

Reviews please! Any/all feedback is welcome.

**Bye-Ni!**


	4. Code Grease Pt 1

**Sorry for the late update. Call it an extended leave of absence to think up new ideas. Enjoy!**

******I don't own K-ON, Lucky Star, the Haruhi Suzumiya series, or any other properties referenced in this fiction. All properties go to their respective owners.**  


* * *

**Mecha Mecca Pt. 1**

_The year is 2011. The Holy Empire of Haruhia, led by __Empress Haruhi Suzumiya, has begun world conquest to take over the fanbases of other anime series. With their new battle suits, the Knightmare frames, other series stood no chance of resistance._

_Fanbase__ 11. That is the new designation for the Loli Fanbase. They have lost their flag, their culture, and the right to buy Loli-themed items._

A young girl with blue hair was next to her purple-haired friend. Beside then was what appeared to be a large funeral pyre. Enraged, the blue-haired girl quietly, yet forcibly said:

"_I swear, Kagami. One day, I will destroy Haruhia!"_

_-7 years later-_

"Let's open up this awesome mecha arc with the most exciting thing ever: Gaming Tourneys!"

Konata Izumi walked into a large internet café. There she met her opponent of the day, The Computer Club President.

"Hah! A little _girl _like you can't possibly beat me at Day of Sagittarius III!" The President crowed in assumed victory.

_-10 minutes later-_

"I-I-I-I don't believe it. I lost…" The Prez was staring at his screen, dumbfounded.

Konata yawned and walked away.

"Looks like I win the limited edition card. Toodles~!"

Konata walked outside, to her waiting friend.

"Kona-chan, I still don't understand why I have to drive you to and from all of your gaming competitions.

A purple-haired girl, with a small bow on her hair, was leaning on a motorcycle with an attached side-car.

"Because, Tsukasa, if the officers caught me they would arrest me for underage driving on the spot," Konata replied, "Besides, don't you want to see me kick some ass?

"Well…"

"We interrupt this program for an important announcement from the head of Fanbase 11, Itsuki Koizumi."

A reporter was currently on a large TV screen when she was abruptly cut off. A smiling face was then shown on screen.

"Fellow residents of Fanbase 11, it is a grave day today. An office building was subject to a terrorist attack, and many workers were injured or killed. We are still tolling up the casualty count. I urge you to inform the nearest law enforcement of any information you might have, to stop this insubordination."

"_That smiling jerk…"_ Konata hissed.

"What?"

"…nothing."

The pair drove off. It was on the highway that they encountered a large truck swaying left and right across the road. Tsukasa swerved hard right to avoid hitting the vehicle. The truck ended up crashing in a construction site. Konata rushed off to check on the passengers, leaving a bewildered Tsukasa behind.

A girl with salmon coloured hair was rousing in the passenger seat.

"God _dammit _Anizawa! That's the last time I let you drive!" She roared at her driver.

"Tch…" Her driver was a man with a voluminous black haircut, and a red cap. "And who got us out of all those tight squeezes, Akira?"

"Doesn't matter, just floor it!"

As the truck rapidly accelerated and drove away, Konata, who had just gotten up onto the truck fell into the truck's container. She landed next to a large box of sorts.

"Oof! Hey! What gives?"

_I've gotta get out of here…That's it! I can use my phone to call for help._

She groped for her phone inside her uniform pockets, but came up empty.

_Right… I never bring a phone with me._

Defeated for the moment, she slumped onto the side of the container. She heard sporadic gunfire outside, and it sounded like it was directed at the truck.

Just then, the Akira walked past, and uncovered the tarp on what appeared to be a large, red mecha.

"Jeez… do I always have to do everything myself?"

The girl jumped into the cockpit, blasted open a section of the truck and proceeded to take down the helicopters outside with an impractical grappling hook.

However, just as reinforcements for the helicopters arrived, Konata's view of the epic battle was cut off as the truck drove into a tunnel.

_Blast! My dreams of witnessing a giant robot war have been shattered!_

_Meanwhile_

"You fellas know full well what this badass mother can do!" Akira shouted with glee, as chopper after chopper burst into flames. Just then, several blue Knightmares dropped down from carrier aircraft that had escaped her attention. They drew several oversized assault rifles, and clicked the safety off.

Completely outgunned, she did what any sensible person would do.

"Kiss my ass, bitches! Akira's running away!"

_Several vaguely important plot points later…_

The truck skidded and crashed into a halt. Groaning, Konata tried to stand up only to be knocked down by a fist crashing onto her head.

"Oww! Hey, what did you… is that you Kagami?"

"Huh? Konata?" Standing over Konata was a figure wearing a school uniform with an armband labelled "SOS Brigade"

"Why are you wearing a SOS uniform?"

"Well…"

_Explaining happens._

"…and that's why I'm in Loli Island and a member of the SOS Brigade."

"…"

"Were you even listening?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was busy staring at that person behind you."

"What person-"

"That smoked cheese was delicious, nyoro~! Oh, heya! Didn't see you there"

Popping out of the container behind Kagami was a girl with long green hair and a rotund stomach. Incidentally, the container was labelled "Cheese".

Getting out of the box with some difficulty, the girl plopped down and introduced herself.

"My name's Tsuruya, and I seemed to have lost my toof."

"Don't you mean tooth?" Konata asked back.

"Yea, that's what I said. Toof."

"But I swear-"

"ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY LITHP?"

"Umm… no?"

But before Tsuruya's rant could go on any further, the driver of the truck stirred.

"Don't… ignore me just yet! Long… live… Animate!"

He flicked a switch, and the truck blew up, sending shrapnel all across the tunnel. Amazingly, none of them were injured. Even if they were sitting in the middle of the truck. Plot has a way of working like that.

Before they could truly appreciate their luck, multiple members of the SOS Brigade showed up, and pulled out their guns.

"Sorry to interrupt your little party ladies… How about we end this with a _bang_?"

The leader of the small group pulled the trigger on his gun. Before the bullet could reach Konata, however, Tsuruya jumped in front and deflected it with her massive belly.

As everyone present gaped in awe, Tsuruya turned to Konata.

"Oh, I also forgot to mention I have mystic powers and am immortal. I'm supposed to transfer some power onto a suitable person, so you're in luck! I'm gonna pretend to die and disappear now. Kthxbai."

Konata's vision turned blurry and filled with multicoloured stars and tendrils of light. In front of her, Tsuruya collapsed and then faded away like a corpse in an old video game.

"Oh man… This is just like the last time I went into Tsukasa's herb storage. I'm trippin' balls right now!"

As the seizureiffic light show faded, Konata slowly stood up and faced the SOS brigade members.

"So… how was your summer break?" She asked nonchalantly, with a small smile.

There were various mumbles of how much fun they had and such.

Konata's smile turned into a malicious grin.

"…Endless Eight."

The assembled all raised their guns in a uniform motion and shot themselves. It was truly a sight to behold.

_And so the tale of a girl's revenge on those who have wronged her has begun. But what is this mystic__al power? Who is this mysterious girl with an eating disorder? Why is the narrator asking so many questions? _

_All this, and more, on the next chapter of: _

_Code Grease: The Abridged Crossover Comedy Story._

* * *

**A/N:** And so I finally write a chapter that breaks 1000 words. I'm not going to be consecutively uploading multiple chapters of this, but will spread them out instead. K-ON! hasn't appeared in this yet, but the light music club will appear soon.

Anyways, firstly countries are labelled as fanbases in this, and the SOS Brigade is the Haruhi Military force. Anime Tenchou isn't dead, he just flies off into the distance like he always does.

Yes. From the inside of a tunnel.

Multiple jokes pulled off the Higurashi Parody Fandub, Code MENT, Code Geass Abridged by Ezkieru, and one quote off the english Code Geass dub. Tsuruya talking about her "toof" is off the song "Can't Find It", which is a Tsuruya parody of Can't Touch This.

Thanks for reading, and leave a review please!


	5. Chapter 5

I hope you guys all understand now that I am a very slow writer. Sorry bout that!

**I don't own K-ON, Lucky Star, the Haruhi Suzumiya series, or any other properties referenced in this fiction. All properties go to their respective owners.**

* * *

**Cookies**

Humming to herself, Mugi walked into the clubroom with a bag behind her back.

"Hello everyone! I brought some cookies~! But there's somethi-"

"Cookies?" Mio asked, cutting Mugi off.

"Cookies?" Azusa cried out eagerly.

"Cookies!" Ritsu exclaimed.

"I heard cookies!" Sawako yelled, popping up from beneath Ritsu's skirt.

"Cookies!" Konata cried.

"Cookies…?" Kyon groaned.

"Cookies!" Tsukasa squealed.

"COOKIES!" Yelled the Cookie Monster, before being detained by armed guards.

"You guys are Nazis man, you guys are freaking Nazis!" He screamed as he was dragged away.

"Cookies!" Mikuru exclaimed happily, without missing a beat.

"Cookies, huh? Guess I'll have some." Kagami said.

"My, cookies? Sounds delectable." Koizumi eyesmiled.

"Cake!" Yui yelled.

"I hope there's cheese cookies!" Tsuruya giggled.

And then, to cap it all off, Haruhi jumped onto a desk, and with a voice that would make an opera singer jealous sang "Cookies!"

Her singing lasted around five pages of text, and came complete with pyrotechnics. Abridged for your convenience.

As all the noise died down, Mugi guiltily said "I has a cookie, but I eated it."

**Mini A/N:** Yui: C-C-C-COMBO CAKER

**Hey Haruhi! Let's Play:**

Haruhi trekked deeper into the cave. Lighting was scarce, and her supply of torches was almost depleted. Placing one on a wall beside her, she saw glowing red eyes in the darkness beyond her small circle of light. The creature hissed and jumped forward, revealing itself to be a spider.

"Hiyaa! Take this!" Haruhi charged forward, swinging her golden sword in wide arcs, cutting the monster to pieces.

She collected the spoils of her fight, a few strings of the spider's fine silk. She could make a new fishing rod for herself later, or maybe a bow.

She continued onwards, placing torches every twenty feet or so. Along the way, she struck a large vein of coal, allowing her to replenish her torch supply.

Haruhi sliced and diced her away through hordes of zombies and skeletons. Nothing was standing in the way of her quest for treasure. As she ventured ever deeper, she saw light at the end of the tunnel.

It was a lava lake, far larger than she could have imagined. And on the wall beside her was…

"Diamonds! I'm rich! I can have tools that will last forever!"

Of course, Haruhi was exaggerating, but she was happy nonetheless. However, during her celebration, she failed to notice something sneaking up behind her.

There was a foreboding _SSSssss…_

_Meanwhile, on the surface._

Kyon looked up proudly at the home he had built. It was a multi-story wooden cabin. It had taken many days, and he had gone through countless axes, but he managed to build a home that could house the members of the SOS Brigade.

He looked over to the rest of the Brigade, working on the other portions of their settlement. Mikuru, having a way with animals, had fenced off herds of cows, pigs and sheep. Yuki had built a work area for making equipment, and Koizumi was ploughing some land. Their base of operations was turning out just fine.

*"*"*"*"*

Haruhi had started a Minecraft multiplayer server soon after she defeated the computer club in their game. Of course, she also forced the rest of the brigade to play.

_Not that I could complain very much though, _Kyon thought idly, _this is one of the few games I've actually enjoyed._

And then he heard a _BOOM! _from his right. Alarmed, he looked up from his computer.

Haruhi was screaming at her computer.

"_ARRGH! GOD. DAMN. CREEPERS!"_

"Calm down Haruhi, it's just a game." _This could turn out very bad…_

"_Just a game? Do you know how it feels to lose EVERYTHING?"_

"Erm… no?" _Although I have the strangest feeling I'm about to._

"_I found diamonds! DIAMONDS! And I was carrying all of the minerals I had mined. And then a #$%(*# CREEPER comes in and blows all of it up!"_

"Then just start over. Dying is a part of the game too, you know."

But Haruhi wasn't listening to him anymore. Or anything else, for that matter. She had a manic look on her face as she looked at the admin tools at her disposal.

"_Hehehe… If I lost all of my hard work, I guess everyone else will go down with me!"_

Haruhi started clattering away on her keyboard. Suddenly, the dirt around where their settlement was built on changed into TNT.

"Oh my god… Haruhi, you wouldn't-" _That crazy bi-_

"_Well guys, it's been a…__**blast**__~!"_

She hit one of the TNT boxes, and it began hissing. A chain reaction of explosions ensued. Not even the super computers the computer club- *ahem* -_lent _to the SOS Brigade could handle the amount of explosions.

The dust cleared around 15 minutes later, leaving a gigantic crater that stretched for miles. Nothing was left of their hard work.

"Wow…" Haruhi breathed, "That had more explosions than a Michael Bay movie!"

"That took longer to load than a game on the PS3." Kyon groaned.

"That crater looks deeper than the Grand Canyon!" Mikuru exclaimed.

"You guys made more references than an abridged series." Yuki deadpanned.

"My… that was certainly… something." Koizumi was struggling to keep his smile intact.

…

…

…

…

"Let's do it again!"

Kyon facepalmed.

* * *

**A/N:** The second section was originally going to be a submission for the fic **"The Pwnage of Haruhi Suzumiya"** By **The Layman **(Which I recommend reading if one is video game savvy), but I don't think it lived up to the expectations that fic had, so I posted it here. Plus, like most of my writing, it's very short.

Hey everyone!

**[Reference that makes no sense counter: 1] **

This sentence is totally not a way to get you to review!

**Edit: The next chapter is currently very glitchy, so as of when I am typing this, the chapter contains the same text as this one. Hopefully it will resolve itself.**


	6. Chapter 6

**The original chapter 5 was deleted and re-edited a small bit due to me being unhappy with a part it, so here it is again.**

...well, in actuality I deleted it because I planned to rewrite the whole thing, but I got lazy, so sue me. There is only a small bit of rewriting on the last portion of the chapter.

******I don't own K-ON, Lucky Star, the Haruhi Suzumiya series, or any other properties referenced in this fiction. All properties go to their respective owners.**

* * *

**Guile**

Konata looked out from the confines of her cell, as building after building was destroyed by the invading forces. It was a small comfort that her friends were still with her at the moment.

The whole fiasco was caused by a Nazi-dictator-type person calling himself M. Bison, leading a mercenary army called Shadaloo. It was the most ridiculous name for an army of evil that she had ever heard, but they did their job cruelly and efficiently.

All the while, Bison was screaming in glee about how Guile, the one person that could defeat him, wasn't here.

In hindsight, she thought, maybe she shouldn't have beaten up that foreigner.

**Taking Things to Heart**

"Kyon-Kun!" Asahina Mikuru called out.

"Hmm?" Kyon turned around, completely ignoring what Taniguchi was just saying to him.

"Look what I found!" Mikuru held up a little puppy and began to rub it against her cheek, a look of pure bliss on her face.

"HNNG!" Kyon gasped as he clutched at his chest and collapsed to the floor. As he lay there, unmoving, Mikuru panicked and dropped the puppy.

_PETA is going to have my head for this, _Mikuru thought, but _I have to save Kyon!_

"K-Kyon-kun! Somebody get the nurse!" Mikuru began to stutter and run around, until the school nurse came in and put Kyon in a stretcher with the help of a few classmates.

*"*"*"*"*

Kyon groaned as he got up. Looking around, he seemed to be in the nurse's office.

"You're up? Good." The nurse turned to Kyon, showing her face.

"Asakura…? You're the nurse?" Kyon looked startled, and sort of scared, although that was understandable. Asakura and sharp, surgical instruments didn't mix well.

"…Sure, let's go with that." She finally said. Before Kyon could reply, she continued, "You seemed to have received some sort of shock to your nervous system, and gone into temporary cardiac arrest."

"Cardia- Wait, you mean I had a heart attack?"

"A mild one, yes."

"Why didn't you call a _real _doctor?"

"Fixing a stopped heart is simple for an interface" Ryoko smiled sweetly.

"Uh… well… thanks, I guess." Kyon awkwardly replied. He got up to leave, but not before Ryoko stopped him.

"Make sure you stay away from anything that may cause another shock like this. Multiple heart attacks aren't pretty."

Kyon walked out of the infirmary, and discovered that it was currently lunch break. He walked his routine path towards the clubroom.

He opened the door to a scene that had become commonplace. Yuki was inside, playing one of her eroges. As Kyon walked over, he looked over her shoulder.

As it so happens, she was on one of the H scenes.

"HNNG!" Kyon gasped again, and collapsed onto the floor once more. Yuki picked up the phone to call Asakura. Moments later, Asakura walked in, sighing.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll fix him."

*"*"*"*"*

Kyon woke up looking at the ceiling of the nurse's office for the second time.

"Really, Kyon-kun," Asakura chided, "didn't you listen to what I said? How did it happen?"

"Well, I walked in on Nagato…" Kyon quickly shut up, face reddening over.

"And?"

"…never mind. But Asakura, you're an interface, right? Can I have a request?"

"Hmm?"

"I want you to stop my heart from having these random attacks."

Ryoko peered over at him. "Are you absolutely sure about it?"

"Positive."

Ryoko smiled. In a sweet, childish voice, she said "I can make that happen."

She moved closer to Kyon, silver glinting between her fingers.

* * *

**A/N:** If you didn't get the first part, it was a reference to **Street Fighter** and how the foreigner Konata beats up looks like Guile from the games.

The second part is loosely based on a series of **Katawa Shoujo **4-panels where the main character gets a heart attack after witnessing something very _moe _from one of the heroines. Asakura was only listening up to the 'stop my heart'.

Thanks for reading, and leave a review please!

* * *

A distraught Mikuru was walking home. Her teachers had deemed her too nervous to learn, and sent her out of class.

Suddenly, multiple armoured cars approached her from behind, people jumping out as soon as they stopped.

"Freeze! This is PETA. Asahina Mikuru, you are under arrest for animal abuse!"

_Uh oh…_

"You'll never catch me alive!" Mikuru screamed, hightailing it out of there in the opposite direction. _  
_


	7. Code Grease Pt 2

**Code Grease Pt. 2**

"Wait, I don't even get any line-"

_*Gunshot*_

"BOOM! Headshot." Konata laughed, lowering the gun. She stared at Koizumi's motionless body, turned, and left.

*"*"*"*"*

"Oi! Earth to Konata!" Kagami scolded as she beat Konata over the head with a leek.

"I totally wasn't falling asleep!" Konata yelled as she jumped up.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Anyways, I need help finishing these student council forms and stuff."

In an unforeseen turn of events, Kagami had been transferred to Konata's school, and she had decided to join the student council. As Konata was already a member, Kagami enlisted her help the moment she found out.

A few hours later, a very tired Konata walked back up to her room. She opened the door to find her younger sister Yutaka sitting with the obese green haired girl from the last chapter.

"Hey sis!" Yutaka called out in greeting. "Miss Tsuruya is here to see you!"

"Is that so?" Konata replied. _I gotta think of a way to speak with her alone._

She picked a tea cup up and threw it on the floor.

_I can pass it off as Tsuruya being clumsy and pretend that I'm taking her to get cleaned up._

"Umm, sis? What did you do that for?"

_Oh crap, I forgot__ that she isn't blind._

"…don't mind that. Could you give us a minute?"

"Ummm…"

But Konata had already gone, pulling Tsuruya with her.

"Who are you? How did you come back to life?" Konata asked, although it was more of a demand for her to answer.

"Hmm, I have a better question for you, nyoro~! How are you enjoying your new power?" Tsuruya shot back, ignoring Konata's questions altogether.

"What, you mean this little birdie that appears in my eyes sometimes? Oh look, there he is again!"

"That's what I'm talking about! Have you figured out what it does?"

"Not really, although people have been saying that I've been making more obscure references than usual."

"…I think I just gave you a very redundant power."

"That's great and all, but still, who are you exactly?"

"Me? I am a witch, if you will. I give this power, Geass, to people. I was once a Geass user myself."

"Interesting… and you are immortal?"

"Yep! Nothing in the world can kill me, nyoro~!"

With that question answered, Konata set her mind to testing the parameters of her upgraded ability. Looking through her closet full of old cosplay, she picked one out that would disguise her well. It looked like a king off a chess board, and conveniently had a nice eye slot for her to use her powers with.

Now, she was set to take her ability against Haruhia.

*"*"*"*"*

_-In a shady room, location unknown-_

"_Excellent… Although Koizumi's death was a deep regret, I have discovered the location of that blue-headed fiend who bested me in that anime knowledge contest ten years ago."_

"_Is all of this really necessary? I mean, killing an innocent girl just because she watches more anime than you do?"_

"_Shut up Kyon! Anime is serious business."_

"_That's fine and all, but can we turn the lights on now? The flashlight is starting to burn my chin."_

Sighing, Haruhi Suzumiya flicked open the lights to reveal a small clubroom, her inner sanctum for the original SOS Brigade members. With Koizumi's fate, that number had been reduced to four.

"Kyon, you've gotta stop grumbling about every little thing. And need I remind you again about what happens when you speak against the brigade leader?"

"Oh god… not the whip again!"

"Yes Kyon, the whip. Now we wouldn't want that would we?"

*"*"*"*"*

Konata, in costume, walked over to a door in a shady corner of her school, labelled "Lucky Channel".

On the surface, it was the school's promotional video development studio, but it was common knowledge to most of the students that it housed an anti-Haruhia organization.

The only thing keeping the students from letting this secret out was fear of the leader of the group, Akira Kogami.

Konata eased open the door, to a cheerful "Heya luckies!" coming from inside.

"Yeah yeah, cut to the chase. I know you run a resistance cell here." Konata said.

From the inside, what was a large, cheerful smile on Akira Kogami's face immediately switched into a scowl.

"What do you want? If you're from the SOS, don't think I'll go down without a fight."

"Quite opposite, actually. I am here to enlist your help to my cause. Help me destroy Haruhia."

"And _why _exactly should we help you? We're plenty fine on our own here."

Konata looked around the small room. There were only two others, a reserved looking young man with short brown hair, and a tall man with a large, voluminous hairstyle, with a personality to match the flames erupting at his back.

"_We will never stop in our war for freedom! As long as the flames in our hearts burn with passion, we will never give up in our fight against Haruhia! LONG LIVE ANIMATE!"_

And with that, the flames at his back erupted three times larger. The other man sighed and grabbed a fire extinguisher.

Akira turned back, and sighed to Konata.

"Okay, I guess we are a bit under-manned. And that guy thinks he's fighting for a completely different cause. But why should we help you?"

Konata shifted open the small eye slot on her helmet, her eyes glowing red. Out of nowhere, music began to play, and Konata began to dance, swishing her hips back and forth to a bright techno beat.

"Alright, I get it, just turn that trash off! Anyone who can enjoy that music, no, _abomination_ must have some worth against the SOS Brigade." Akira complained.

Underneath her helmet, Konata smirked. _Just as planned._

"Just who the hell are you anyways?"

"Me? I am the anime to the manga, the lampshade to the trope! I am the one who will take Haruhi down! But you, you may call me X, and together as the Blue Knights we shall take down this empire!"

There were blank stares from the rest of the room; No one had understood a single word that she had said.

_And thus ends another not-so-exciting chapter in our story. But stay tuned, for the debut of the Blue Knights, and the Four Loli Swords! Until then-_

"Whoa, back up, back the hell up!" Ritsu exclaimed. "It's chapter two, and we still haven't been introduced yet?"

_Well, I did__ just reference you guys in the ending sentences._

"But it's so vague! Yui's getting bored, and when she's bored she eats. And one other thing, you still haven't told us why you asked so many questions last chapter! What gives!"

_Umm…_

"This narrator is a fraud! GET HIM!"

_Oh shit! Narrator guy, out!_

* * *

**A/N:** Well, that took long to upload. I apologize, I've been in a writing slump for a while, and couldn't really find the will to write anything passable as an addition to my story.

If one must know, Konata was doing the Caramelldansen.

I'll probably explain Koizumi's death further in another chapter.

Until then, thanks for reading, and please review! Studies have shown that reviewing leaves no negative side effects.


	8. Chapter 8

**THE WORLD'S GREATEST CHAPTER**

"Hey Ritsu…" Yui started.

"Huh?" Ritsu looked up from whatever it was she was doing.

"Call me crazy, but I think the most boring chapter ever is about to come up…" Yui looked thoughtfully out of the window.

"Let's just stuff some kittens into it then. Everyone loves internet kittens." Ritsu then proceeded to pull Azusa out from a cardboard box.

"…How did I get here?" Azusa looked around with a confused expression.

"Azu-Nyan!" Yui cheered, and then a deadpan "Now with added nyan."

Yui proceeded to stuff cat ears onto Azusa's head. Azusa's eyes glazed over and suddenly she started singing out "nyanyanyanyanyanyanya" in a very high pitched voice.

Meanwhile, Ritsu was thinking out loud: "Azu-Nyan… Everynyan… HARRO EVERYNYAN!" She suddenly exclaimed.

And a few hundred miles away, a girl screamed "OH MY GAH!"

**THE END**

…

…

…

…

"Wow Yui, you were right. That WAS boring. Not to mention poorly written."

"Meh, at least we got screen time."

And then everybody but the reader was happy.

**THE ACTUAL END**

…

…

…

…

But suddenly, Yui was trapped, and unable to eat.

"No!" Yui cried. "I must eat the cakes!"

"No, Yui," Azusa said. "You ARE the cakes."

And then Yui was a cake.

**THE ACTUAL ACTU- DAMMIT STOP MAKING ME DO THESE**

* * *

**A/N:** You know, the only thing I do better than not writing is apologizing for it. Without further ado, I'm sorry.

Anyways, this poor excuse for a chapter was written badly on purpose. I hope. I can't really tell personally, but I know it's bad. To the point I have to rip off Repercussions of Evil. That bad.

Well, thanks for bearing with this poor excuse for literature, and hopefully I can write something worth reading next time around.


	9. Chapter 9

Today's A/N will be a long one.

So after being reminded that I still have this story (Thank you, you know who you are), I found this one lurking half-finished in my computer. Just a heads up that this story may possibly offend some of you, but I don't mean it to do so. I'll elaborate at the footnotes. On another note, yes I am very hard on myself, at least with my writing. I know it's a turn off for people, but it's just something I do because I feel like I'll never improve if I don't kick myself on the ass every once in a while. But with that, I want to say one more thing. I lied, I actually liked the last chapter.

* * *

**Crying Fanfiction Writer**

_This is a PSA from the SOS Brigade._

Haruhi burst through the door to the clubroom as always, a happy smile on her face. Racing over to the computer, she quickly booted up the PC and opened up her favourite fanfiction site.

"Let's see what new stories will grace my fandom today!" She said, looking through the list.

However, her smile began to fade as she saw the complete lack of disparity in the titles.

"The blahblahblah of Haruhi Suzumiya… the blahblahblah of Haruhi Suzumiya... Yuki Nagato?"

Haruhi's mood changed from bad to worse as she saw the disheartening lack of originality in the titles, and making matters worse was the fact that she was usually the cause of misfortune in the stories.

"All of these stories are always the "Something" of Haruhi Suzumiya, and yet it's always Kyon who solves the problem! I'm the MAIN CHARACTER for Go- I mean MY sake!"

Haruhi's ranting grew quiet as a voiceover took over

_Some people have a deep, abiding respect for the creativity and imagination that was once this fandom, and some people don't._

Haruhi, who had finished throwing her tantrum, silently looked towards the camera as a single tear slid down her face. The voice took over once more.

_People __write these stories. People can stop this._

At which the screen faded to black.

"And cut! Brilliant work Haruhi!" Kyon called from his seat in the director's chair. Due to the amount of stories centering on him, he had been slowly gaining more attention than Haruhi and now held more power over her.

Not even Yuki knew why having a larger fanbase equated to having a better ability to make other people your bitches, and she was a master of that practice.

Haruhi, now off the set, began grumbling. "How is anybody supposed to believe this PSA? Everybody knows I don't cry."

"Actually Haruhi, half the stories out there involve you crying after something happens to _me,"_ Kyon said smugly, heavily emphasizing the last word.

"Just because people think it's better to write about a boring, cynical prick like you over writing about me, doesn't give you the right to act like that!"

As Haruhi began shooting off reasons she was better than Kyon, why Kyon was such a prick, and suggesting that her fanbase become more literate, Kyon yawned and walked over to the refreshments.

"...And you aren't even the titular character of the series! That gives people more than enough reason to care less about you!" Haruhi finished off her second rant of the day, panting slightly.

Polishing off his drink, Kyon noticed that silence had fallen again.

"Huh? Oh that's great Haruhi, really. Now, what do you think about our next pitch to the network?"

Kyon walked over to a cloth covered board, pulling the cloth off to reveal...

"I call it: 'The Melancholy of Kyon'!"

"FFUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

* * *

**A/N:** So how was it? Offended? Don't be because I don't mean anything against any writers out there. A lot of the _ Of Haruhi Suzumiya stories are actually quite good (My prime examples would be Pwnage, Obesity, and Death of Haruhi Suzumiya), and any statistics in this story should be ignored because I made them up. My real problem is just how everyone seems to stick to a basic formula for doing something. Example: Most Oreimo stories on this site are named like "My _ Can't be this _"  
It's kinda like Activision with Call of Duty. "The first one worked, so let's do the same thing for the next 10 iterations of the game."  
No worries people, different is good. And so is touching.

Anyway, I'm not trying to shove ideals down your throat, but I do want to put my thoughts into my writing, and that's how I ended up with this. The PSA part is a blatant rip-off of a environmental PSA way before I was born, called "Crying Indian". One thing we fanfic writers do very well is rip off other things. Kinda counter-intuitive considering my previous argument, but I digress. Liked this? Hated it? Review :D

I also hate how the story always looks much longer on Microsoft Word than it actually is.

**EDIT: Apparently I forgot that this website doesn't handle a something(dot)net very well, so a small part was missing. Re-added it in, without the link.**


	10. Chapter 10

This idea just kinda came on a whim. Short chapter, but oh well. Spoiler for Death Note viewers ahead, namely L's full name.

**READ THE DISCLAIMER: I don't own K-ON!, Lucky Star, The Haruhi Suzumiya series, or any other properties referenced in this story. It is a work of fiction, and no profit is taken from this. All properties belong to their respective owners and not to me.**

* * *

**Desu Note**

"Azu-nyan, look what I just found!" Yui called as she ran into the music room.

"Hmm?" Azusa looked up and took a small glance at the black notebook in the girl's hands. "Nice notebook, Yui."

"Not just any old notebook, look at the cover!" Yui shoved it into the other girl's hands.

Azusa's eyes scanned over the glossy cover, black except for a few katakana characters.

_Desu Note_

"A d-d-d-d-d-death note?" She cried in shock, dropping the book and recoiling in fear.

"Nooo," Yui pouted, picking up the book. "A Desu Note."

"I don't see the difference."

"Watch!" Yui smiled, "_Nakano…Azusa._"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Azusa cried, jumping up and beginning to chase Yui around the room, attempting to erase her name from the book.

_~40 seconds later~_

"…I'm-gonna-die-I'm-gonna-die-I'm-gonna-desu." As if hiccupping, Azusa looked up in surprise at hearing what just came out of her mouth.

"I'm not dead desu. But why am I saying desu so much desu? What the –DESU- did you just do to me Yui?" Azusa yelled in rage. But Yui was gone, already off the set of K-ON! and about to terrorize other people.

"_Suzumiya Haruhi…_"

"What the- I'm mother effing god desu! You can't do this to me desu!" The brigade leader cried, following Azusa in her chase.

"_L. Lawliet…_"

"I hate cellphones desu." The detective said, turning around and looking for Mugi to get his daily sugar fix.

"_Hiiragi Kagami… Minami Chiaki… Toshino Kyoko… Kamina…"_

As Yui wrote more and more names, the crowd chasing her grew larger and larger, complete with a cacophony of desu's.

"_Suiseiseki…" _

And then everybody stopped in their tracks as a disembodied voice boomed, "_It's not very effective."_

From the set of Rozen Maiden, Suiseiseki walked out and gave a very disapproving look at Yui. The anime police then ran over and detained the guitarist while she was distracted.

"Aww –DESU-!" She cried.

* * *

**A/N:** Before anything, I'm going to make it clear that I know that "desu" doesn't work this way. It was done for comedic effect, and not as a bastardization of the Japanese language. So there.

So, my update schedule is probably one chapter per month, due to my extreme laziness and the omni-present writer's block. I am working on another project at the moment, which will hopefully see light on this site, so I'm keeping fingers crossed. Also, I don't watch Rozen Maiden, but I do know that Suiseiseki has a penchant for saying desu. Alot. And yeah. REALLY SHORT chapter, but it made me laugh, and (usually) that's a good sign.

Hope you guys enjoyed this, leave a review if you'd like! :D

**EDIT: This story's word count is OVER 9000!**


	11. WAD Pt 1

**I don't own Lucky Star, K-ON!, the Haruhi Suzuma series, or any other properties referenced in this piece of fiction, nor do I claim to. Keep in mind that this is a good thing, and that all properties are used for entertainment purposes, are not for profit, and belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

**WAD Pt. 1**

"Hey dear readers!" Tsukasa cried out, "You must be wondering why we're all gathered here."

And indeed they were; every last character from Lucky Star, K-ON! and the Suzumiya Haruhi series were together in a large group.

"That's right," Yui continued, "we're here because it's…."

"Writer Appreciation Day!" they all shouted at the same time.

"It's where we, the characters, appreciate all the work writers put in to making us who we are by writing stories of our own, about ourselves." Koizumi explained, "We know writing is a long, arduous process involving much thinking, proofing, and hear-ripping, so it may take a while for to have our stories ready for you to-"

"I'm finished mine." Konata popped in, holding out a sheet of paper.

"…ok then. Now we'll draw straws to see who will be going after her. For now, enjoy yourselves with Konata's story!"

*"*"*"*"*

_This following tale is an original Konata Izumi creation, involving the characters of Lucky Star. Konata Izumi does not own Lucky Star, but she is a part of it._

**How I Saved Akihabara  
By: Konata Izumi**

It was a day like any other, and in the main street of Akihabara, Konata Izumi (That's me!) just walked out of her favorite store holding a bag full of eroge.

Humming happily and walking down the street, she stopped in her tracks as an ominous shadow fell over her. As screaming people scattered around the street, she turned around and came face to face with her arch-nemesis.

Clad in a schoolgirl outfit, with a silver complexion and bright purple twin tails was…

"GASP!" Konata gasped, "Mecha-Kagamin! I thought I had destroyed you for good!"

"Did you think the Moons of Saturn would stop me? You have been a thorn in my shiny metal backside for long enough, Konata Izumi. Now, I shall destroy everything you hold dear! But first, I think I will start with this…"

The metallic monster tore the bag of games out of Konata's hands and shoved them into her metal gullet.

"Mmm," Mecha-Kagamin rumbled, "Tastes like precious months of allowance."

"GASP!" Konata gasped again, and her expression quickly turned to that of rage. "That was the last straw, Mecha-Kagamin. Now you shall face my full wrath! Pettanko Posse, ASSEMBLE!"

From the alleyways jumped Yutaka, Minami, Tsukasa and Mayumi Thyme, who struck up a Ginyu pose behind Konata.

It was Mecha-Kagamin's turn to gasp.

"GASP!" the metal behemoth gasped, "My sister, why have you joined these puny weaklings?"

"She has seen the light, and denounces your evil ways," Konata retorted, "Now, with the Power of Friendship, we will strike you down!"

The ground shook as each girl powered up, and Konata gathered all of their combined energy into one hand.

"TAKE THIS!" she screamed at her foe. "GIGAAAA! DRRRR******************! BBUUURREEEEEEEKKKKAAAAAAAAA!"

Konata slammed her shining fist into her opponent's stomach, and sent Mecha-Kagamin flying into the heavens.

"Why is there censoring in a novelllll…." Mecha-Kagamin's screams grew faint as she flew into the sky, her body shining with the Power of Friendship. It had turned to night, and her body glowed brightly before exploding in a shower of fireworks in the sky.

People oohed and aahed as the shower of lights continued, and a large crowd soon gathered to take Konata and friends onto their shoulders, carrying them to a festival that had started to commemorate the day. They were treated to chocolate coronets and all the eroge they could play.

**The End**

*"*"*"*"*

"What… did I just read?" Kagami Hiiragi stared blankly at the page, her eyelid twitching ever so slightly.

"Do you like it Kagamin? I think I captured your character very well." Konata replied.

"Erm… Sis, what does pettanko mean?" Yutaka asked innocently, not noticing that Konata was about to be clobbered by a very angry tsundere.

"…well, we'll be right back with another story by us, for you! Stay tuned!" Koizumi quickly said, before pulling the curtains closed.

* * *

**A/N:** Again, this one also came into my mind randomly, but I'm not complaining. If it isn't apparent I'm trying to write how a character would write a story, and in this case I'm putting in all the cheese I possibly can because it's Konata. Well, stay tuned for (hopefully) WAD part 2! Yes, these people have long, very long days.

I wonder what Mecha-Kagamin would actually look like...


	12. WAD Pt 2

I apologize both for lateness and shortness, but hey, laters gonna late. Think of this as a belated New Year's chapter!

**I don't own any properties referenced in this fiction, nor am I an advocate of any companies or groups mentioned. K-on! is owned by Kakifly, Lucky Star is owned by Kagami Yoshimizu, the Haruhi Suzumiya series is owned by Nagaru Tanigawa, and all belong to Kyoto Animation. None of this is for profit.**

* * *

**WAD Pt. 2**

"Welcome back readers, as we patiently wait for Kagami to finish her story."

Koizumi looked over at where said girl was furiously typing away at a computer. Beside her was a mound of blue hair with a steaming lump on top.

"…and some of THIS! And THAT! Oh this is gonna be so much FUN!" she said under her breath.

Heaving a sigh, he turned around. "Welcome, again, to our Writer Appreciation Day!"

Just then, Haruhi leaned in and whispered something in his ear. A shocked look passing over his face, he quickly said: "err… Writer Appreciation Week!"

Haruhi leaned in again. His face turning the slightest bit sour, he corrected himself once more. "Writer Appreciation Indefinite-Period-of-Time! That's iPot for short."

"Hey, can I read my story while we wait for Kagami?" Yui called from the side. Looking over with mild interest, Koizumi pulled Yui over.

"All right Yui, show the world your talents!"

"Right!"

Yui took a deep breath, and began to sing:

**I didn't write a story, instead I wrote a song,**

**I'll take you on an adventure why don't you come along!**

**A girl named Yui, was looking for some cake,**

**But then she saw a kitten and she chased it to the lake!**

**Where Yui fell in, and thought "well water's fine!"**

**But then she was in trouble cause she couldn't make it rhyme!**

**Up in the clubroom, waiting for Mugi's cake,**

**But Yui didn't have some cause this Yui is a fake!**

**The real one's running, running through the town,**

**She runs into McDonald's wearing a Burger King crown!**

**~Ba-da ba ba baaa~ I'm lovin' it!**

_*inhale*_

**And… Then… Sheee…**

"That's quite enough Yui, I think we understand," Koizumi quickly clamped his hand around her mouth and began dragging her offstage. "You can put your blatant product placement somewhere else."

But Yui wasn't giving up. Struggling against her captor she manages to break free for one last stanza.

**I'm telling all you people, this song will be a hit!**

**I also need to tell you that Koizumi is a di-**

* * *

**This chapter would be longer, if I had spent more time,**

**I also share Yui's problem, I couldn't make this rhyme!**

That being said, the tune of this song sorta goes with the Wendy song from South Park. If you don't know, search it up, and brace for some (foul?) language.

Happy Belated New Years, readers! Let's hope for an awesome 2012 :D

**EDIT: **Forgot to mention something, my old story **Similarities** is going to be continued into the summer break by **Angel the dark wizard**, under her account. My version is still going to be up, but be sure to check out what she writes!


	13. Chapter 13

I apologize for the wait. Had math finals and some IB stuff, so I've been kept fairly busy. The IB curriculum is really in a class of its own...

..

..

...haha?

* * *

**Believe**

Panting, Kyon ran back to where the SOS Brigade had gathered. The enemy they were fighting was dangerous; one of the strongest Shinjin they have ever encountered had materialized in an enormous Closed Space.

"What's wrong Kyon? Where's your fighting attitude?" Haruhi yelled towards him, "There'll be a hundred death penalties for you if you keep running away!"

"It's… impossible," Kyon sighed, "that Shinjin is way too strong. There's nothing we can do against it."

"Impossible? IMPOSSIBLE?" Haruhi cried., "Kyon! Let me see you grit those teeth!"

"Huh wha-"

Haruhi ran forward, slamming her fist into Kyon's face. As he was sent sprawling into the floor, Haruhi pulled a pair of triangular shades from her pocket, twirling them around her finger before putting them on.

"Listen closely, Kyon. The bad reputation of the SOS Brigade echoes far and wide across the world. When they speak of its badass leader, the bat-shit insane, more-masculine-than-thou woman, they're talking about ME! The great Haruhi Suzumiya!"

"I don't really think any of those things are traits to be pro-"

"SILENCE! Kyon, you are part of the SOS Brigade! Kick reason to the curb and make the impossible possible! That is the way the SOS Brigade rolls! And remember Kyon, don't believe in yourself, who believes in me. Don't believe in me, who believes in you. Don't believe in me, who believes in Mikuru who believes in Itsuki who believes in Yuki who believes in her shotgun that believes in you. Believe in the you, who believes in yourself."

"Wow…" Kyon breathed, "That may have been the first inspiring thing you have ever said."

"Of course it's inspiring," Haruhi huffed, "Just who the hell do you think I-"

There was a loud thud, as where Haruhi was once standing was a glowing foot the size of an apartment complex. It took Kyon only a second to realize that it belonged to the Shinjin. Kyon looked up at the blue behemoth in fear, as a red wave of energy spread from the back of the Shinjin's neck.

To everyone's surprise, the Shinjin spoke:

"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY. Steals. My. Mother. Fucking. Catchphrase."

* * *

**A/N:** Hoo boy, I guess this (punchline?) may need to be explained. But first things first, I find it fairly unnerving how Kamina's speeches can be swapped to Haruhi. Second, **IF NOT APPARENT I LOVE MY TTGL REFERENCES. OH SO MUCH. I rewatched episode 8 to write this. Bad idea...**

Anyways, I noticed how the Shinjin are similar in appearance to the Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann from the second Gurren Lagann movie, which is basically Kamina manifested into a multi-galaxy sized mecha. So the Shinjin is Kamina. Explains why they couldn't beat it.

As a parting note, expect a nice, 1K+ word chapter next time!

And as a parting thought, what happens if Haruhi and Kamina somehow have a child?


	14. Chapter 14

**THIS IS A PARODY OFFICIAL RELEASE SUPPORT NAGARU TANIGAWA!**

**As well as Kakifly, Kagami Yoshimizu, and KyoAni.**

* * *

**I Wanna be the Master**

The morning of her sixteenth birthday, Hirasawa Yui happily put on her coat and ran out the door with a piece of toast in her mouth. With a few words, "I'll see you all in the summer!" she was out the door, off on her grand adventure.

As she ran up the hill, grass and flowers came into view, separated from the town by a tall fence. Beside the gate leading out, there was a wooden warning sign. Of course, the sign went unnoticed, as the girl happily jumped outside the boundaries of her hometown.

Taking the time to waltz in the open meadow, she failed to notice rustling in the grass, until it was far too late. Seeing a creature in the patch of grass next to her, she screamed as she tried to make it to safety. Even as she ran, she could sense the creature gaining on her, when a hand reached from over the fence and pulled her to safety.

Yui did not even have time to catch her breath before her savior began berating her for her reckless behavior.

"Do you have ANY idea what could've happened to you out there? That _thing _you met in the field is the reason we have a gate separating the town from the outside."

Panting, Yui looked up at her savior to discover that it was the eccentric Professor Sawako, her neighbor for many years.

"What was that?" She asked between breaths.

Sawako looked at her in surprise. "You don't know anything about them? I'm sure you have heard some stories. You know, kid forgets to lock the gate, next morning the whole family is passed out, blood covering the walls and their faces. That kinda stuff?"

Yui just looked at her in horror, "What kind of stories have you been reading, sensei?"

"I see… I take it you are homeschooled then?"

"Yes. I was always fairly sheltered in my learning. The only friend I've really had is your niece, Haruhi. She was always going on about some great adventure she would start on her sixteenth birthday, so I figured that when I turned sixteen I would start an adventure too."

Nodding her head, Sawako made an executive decision and decided she should prepare the girl for her upcoming journey.

"Alright. What I'm about to tell you will be shocking, maybe disturbing. But for you to go on your journey without this information would be insane. Are you sure you're ready?"

Yui nodded her head, a curious look in her eye.

"Before I tell you, there is one last thing I need to know."

Staring long and hard at Yui, Sawako finally spoke.

"Are you a boy? Or a girl?"

"I'm a gi- SENSEI! HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME?" Yui cried, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Haha, I'm just kidding. It's just a tradition we do. Anyways, onto what's important. There are beings in this world known as _Moémon_, beings so cute, if you're unprepared they can make your head _explode_. Those stories I told you about, those families all passed out from blood loss because of the sheer amount of blood pumped out of their noses."

Pausing to catch her breath, Sawako noticed Yui had a comment.

"Sensei… that has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

Sighing, Sawako pulled a small orange and white ball from her pocket.

"Show her, Mugi-chan."

In a flash of white light, a blond-haired girl popped out of the ball, turned to Yui and asked her sweetly: "Would you care for some tea?"

Without turning around, Sawako asked: "Do you understand now, Yui?"

There was no answer. Where Yui was once standing was a small fountain of blood, as the girl lay passed out on the floor.

*"*"*"*"*

"Ugh… why do I feel so light headed?"

Yui woke up in a grey room, surrounded by whirring machinery and people in lab coats. Sawako walked up to her and replied:

"You passed out after a nosebleed. Luckily, you didn't lose too much, or we would have needed a transfusion. Now, to continue with my explanation from earlier, the only way to fight _Moémon_ is to fight cuteness with even more overwhelming cuteness. I have one more _Moémon_, so think of her as a gift from me."

Walking beside Yui's bed, Sawako popped open another one of the orange balls. Yui quickly averted her eyes to avoid another catastrophe.

"No worries Yui, she hasn't unlocked her _moé_ potential yet, so she's safe to look at."

Yui turned around to face a tall, black haired girl, peering at her. Straightening herself, the girl turned to Sawako.

"Thanks for letting me out of that little thing, Doc. You wouldn't believe how cramped it is in there with _these_."

The girl pointed at her chest, at which Yui stared with envy. Pulling her eyes away with some trouble, Yui turned to Sawako again.

"Sensei, what's her name?"

"Well… her name is Mio. But you _can_ give her another one."

"Really? Hmmm…"

"… Yui, I have a great idea for a name. How about you name her Chesticles?"

"Woah, wait Doc, I like Mio just fi-"

"CHESTICLES IT IS. Thanks Sensei!" Yui cheered.

"What the fuu-"

_YUI has received CHESTICLES_

*"*"*"*"*

"So Chesticles, what sort of techniques do you know right now?"

"…I'm not talking to you."

The two were walking down the grassy path outside Yui's hometown. Aside from her fateful encounter that morning, Yui had not met any more _moémon_ on her way. Then again, she was skirting clear of every patch of grass she saw.

Suddenly, a shout came from behind her.

"Hey miss! I see you with your _moémon_! You must think you're better than me!"

A little boy who looked no older than 10 ran up to Yui, who had a confused expression on her face.

"N-no, I don't think I'm better than you. I'm still a little confused by everything…" Yui managed.

"SO YOU WANT A CHALLENGE THEN?" The boy continued, now screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Um… Yui? I think this kid might be a _little_ crazy." Chesticles whispered into Yui's ear.

"I guess… we'll just have to beat him and keep going right?"

Turning around, Yui confronted the boy.

"All right, I accept your challenge. Prepare yourself!"

"Don't think I'll go down easily! Go, Felicia!"

The boy threw out an orange ball, and out of it came a girl with a long mane of blue hair, claws, and a cat's tail.

"Um... Chesticles? Now would be a very good time to tell me what you know."

* * *

**A/N**: I think that this has been done a million times over, but what the heck. JOIN THE MASSES. No, this isn't the full chapter. I was planning to post it all in one nice document, but I'm going to be away on vacation for the next few weeks, so I decided to post what was written (complete with convenient cliffhanger!)

Anyways, I hope you guys have a nice spring break (if you have one) and I'll see you all in a few weeks.

And while I'm here, Happy 1 year fiction-versary! That's right! This story has been on this site for a full year! Exclamation points for everybody!


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